MVP.
"OK, this is how we're going to hit it. Fred, you're Froome, stay near the front, bob your head about a bit. Gary, you're the Porte. You do everything else."
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Hansen
A mid-ride beer, consumed on the bike (preferably while ascending Alpe d'Huez).
Mary hadn't quite got the hang of the feed; Kenneth had managed to take the pint of Fursty Ferret without too much hassle, but the bowl of chicken stew was proving tricky. Still, the other racers were green with envy as he sipped his Hansen, looking dejectedly at their sticky Tropical gels and bidons of saccharine energy yuk.
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Mary hadn't quite got the hang of the feed; Kenneth had managed to take the pint of Fursty Ferret without too much hassle, but the bowl of chicken stew was proving tricky. Still, the other racers were green with envy as he sipped his Hansen, looking dejectedly at their sticky Tropical gels and bidons of saccharine energy yuk.
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O'Grady
A school-night session til 5am.
With the first three stages of the Tour of Tiverton complete, three to go, Bob and Jim popped for a celebratory half pint down the local Working Men's Club. Things quickly deteriorated, and the night became a complete O'Grady, with both stumbling back to the Holiday Inn at 5.30am swearing they weren't pished.
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With the first three stages of the Tour of Tiverton complete, three to go, Bob and Jim popped for a celebratory half pint down the local Working Men's Club. Things quickly deteriorated, and the night became a complete O'Grady, with both stumbling back to the Holiday Inn at 5.30am swearing they weren't pished.
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Stoned
A Roubaix Puncture.
Geoff regretted signing up for the Paris-Roubaix Challenge. He'd got so stoned that weekend he'd gone through 14 inner tubes, neither of his thumbs would ever be the same again, and reckoned he'd developed vibration white finger from the cobbles.
Term courtesy of @paulcargill
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Geoff regretted signing up for the Paris-Roubaix Challenge. He'd got so stoned that weekend he'd gone through 14 inner tubes, neither of his thumbs would ever be the same again, and reckoned he'd developed vibration white finger from the cobbles.
Term courtesy of @paulcargill
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Wiggins
A time trial position you could eat your tea off - at 55kph.
Despite not actually being able to stand straight since doing his back, Darren refused point blank to go to a chiropractor as he had finally perfected his Wiggins, and his time trialling had never been better. 100% worth the crippling agony, he reasoned.
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Anquetil
To polish off several beers, a cider, a steak dinner (with extra frites) and a couple of bottles of Vin Rouge on a Saturday night, then proceed to pace the shit out of everyone on an early Sunday morning sportive.
As Dave pulled up at the side of the lane to unload his breakfast into the hedgerow, between heaves he considered the night before. Barry had drunk easily twice as much, and yet here he was, half a mile up the road, cheerily pacing the field up the climbs as they struggled to stay on his wheel. An Anquetil if ever there was one, and an utter bastard, thought Dave.
Term courtesy of @Jas_2013in2013
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As Dave pulled up at the side of the lane to unload his breakfast into the hedgerow, between heaves he considered the night before. Barry had drunk easily twice as much, and yet here he was, half a mile up the road, cheerily pacing the field up the climbs as they struggled to stay on his wheel. An Anquetil if ever there was one, and an utter bastard, thought Dave.
Term courtesy of @Jas_2013in2013
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Martin
A stonking and deserved win by a thoroughly nice chap.
As Steve rolled over the line, an enormous cheer went up from the huge crowd that had gathered. Men wiped away tears and children danced in the street. This Martin would be forever cherished by the organisers of the 2/3/4 cat Tiverton Spring Road Race.
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As Steve rolled over the line, an enormous cheer went up from the huge crowd that had gathered. Men wiped away tears and children danced in the street. This Martin would be forever cherished by the organisers of the 2/3/4 cat Tiverton Spring Road Race.
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Hesjedal
Have you forgotten how good he is?
Went out for a spin with Colin the other day. I always know in the back of my mind that he's good, but forget just how GOOD. Guy's a Hesjedal.
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A bold sunglasses statement.
Did you see Barry? Turned up on the club run in a new pair of Hesjedals. Looked like Bono.
Went out for a spin with Colin the other day. I always know in the back of my mind that he's good, but forget just how GOOD. Guy's a Hesjedal.
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A bold sunglasses statement.
Did you see Barry? Turned up on the club run in a new pair of Hesjedals. Looked like Bono.
Stybar
To be taken out by a spectator, particularly while in a great position.
(Note: Not the same as a Philippe, which is being taken out by a spectator's dog)
With a 20 second gap and less than 200m left, Tim began to relax. 'This is where my life changes,' he thought, as he saw the team manager for the LBS watching him thoughtfully, and Annabel clapping enthusiastically. He was immediately Stybarred by someones Nan, and limped over the line dead last, pushing his broken bike and bleeding so profusely he had to sit on a carrier bag on the way to A+E.
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(Note: Not the same as a Philippe, which is being taken out by a spectator's dog)
With a 20 second gap and less than 200m left, Tim began to relax. 'This is where my life changes,' he thought, as he saw the team manager for the LBS watching him thoughtfully, and Annabel clapping enthusiastically. He was immediately Stybarred by someones Nan, and limped over the line dead last, pushing his broken bike and bleeding so profusely he had to sit on a carrier bag on the way to A+E.
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Nibali
Getting riled and being outspoken about others making use of better technology, then shutting the fuck up double-time when you get your own.
Doug was proper Nibali pressing my buttons about my Garmin until Mrs Doug got him one for his birthday! Hasn't mentioned it since.
Term courtesy of Herbie
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Doug was proper Nibali pressing my buttons about my Garmin until Mrs Doug got him one for his birthday! Hasn't mentioned it since.
Term courtesy of Herbie
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